I have always been a fan of Jonathan Mann. He’s a pretty cool guy and his demolishing of the stupid idiots of Gamergate are spot on.
Now this is late but two years ago he did something that really cheesed me off and made me wonder what the hell he was playing at
Right so long story short Mann and his wife had a massive row because he went off for a long jog and then went and watched a movie whilst she was at home looking after their few weeks old son.
When he called her to check if she was cool with him doing this she said “Yes it’s fine” even though the tone of her voice suggested it wasn’t and off he went.
Now straight off let’s say that Jonathan Mann screwed up here big time. He decided to go for a long jog and then watch a movie whilst his wife was at home with their child and he did not read the signals from her that said what he was doing was NOT ok and when he got home and she gave him the tongue lashing he so easily deserved he got defensive when really he should have apologised.
Some people have called him a “cuck” for ringing his wife to ask if it was cool for him to go to the cinema but rather he should have been called a thoughtless dingbat for assuming his wife was cool with it when she so obviously was not.
So obviously I am not admonishing him for making this video where he apologises for his actions and admits he got it wrong.
But what irritated me about how he did this and they were two fold.
First of all rather than totally take responsibility for his own thoughtless actions he tried to blame society.
He talked in his video about how the patriarchy gives men\fathers the “privilege” to take time out from child care when mothers do not have this.
To a certain extent that may be true as the lack of maternal attachment fathers have to their children means they have more opportunities to take time away from their kids.
Mothers cannot automatically do this, even if they really wanted to and it is a benefit that Dads get that mums do not.
But there is that saying that just because you can do something it doesn’t mean that you should. You may have a loaded shotgun in your house which you could use to blow someone’s head off for the sheer hell of it but it certainly doesn’t mean you should do it.
But Mann blaming society and patriarchy is a cop out here. He seems to say men are conditioned to behave this way but that implies society is at fault rather than individuals.
If fathers do not do enough to take care of their own children or share enough of the child care with the mother that is their own failings and short sightedness rather than anything to do with society.
The argument that any group of people are conditioned to behave a certain way is very silly.
They may behave that way but it is not down to what society does or tells them it is down to their own failings as individuals.
But what really ground my gears was when Jonathan Mann tried to pin his thoughtless behaviour on other men.
He claimed that “This is how we (men) are” and said that we (men) just feel entitled to take “me time” out of child care when mothers do not.
Well I am going to literally say it , but..
NOT ALL MEN!
Fact is most men would never swann off to the movies (or the football) whilst their partner is at home looking after their few week old child.
And they certainly would not just assume she is ok with it, especially when the tone of her voice says she is not.
I know I would not do this.
Now once when I was at my local football club an announcement came over the PA system asking a man to get to the hospital as his wife had gone in to labour.
I was disgusted by the idea that a dad to be would even consider going to the football whilst his heavily pregnant wife was at home about to give birth to their child.
What an insensitive thoughtless prat, I thought.
Even if my wife wanted me to go to the football I would not as I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the match anyway and would fear that if she went in to labour whilst I was at the ground I would not get to the hospital in time and may miss the birth of our child.
And that would kill me.
I can say that I wouldn’t just assume that my wife would be ok with me going to the football when she at home nursing our child.
This would not make me a cuck who is under her thumb but rather not a total insensitive selfish prick.
Mann’s assertion that ALL men would see fit and feel entitled to behave as he did and just assume that their partner would be ok with it is very very wrong and shows he has a pretty clouded view of other men.
And he certainly cannot sit in judgement of men when he himself acted like a thoughtless selfish twerp to the mother of his child and threw a major hissy fit when she gave him a tongue lashing when he got home.
Many dads would not act like this as they would want to be at home with their child and partner and also they may know it would upset her and she may be angry with him.
Jonathan Mann cannot claim the rest of us guys would act like he did or feel they have an automatic right to.
Mann said dads feel they have an entitlement to me time when mothers do not. He really needs to be told to speak for himself here.
I wouldn’t assume I have the right just to go off and have a ball away from my child and my partner as he assumed with his.
And most guys would not either.
When it comes down to it Jonathan Mann really needs to OWN HIS OWN PROBLEMS!
He messed up but rather than take full responsibility for his own thoughtless actions he blames society and claims all men are like this.
Well hogwash because we are not.
Mann’s actions were thoughtless and immature and it’s right he has apologised to his wife for them.
But in blaming society and claiming all men would act like this he kind of wants us to let him off the hook.
Well no we will not.
OWN YOUR OWN PROBLEMS JONATHAN MANN!